Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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