fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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