i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
