Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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