We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
