Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
