I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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