even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
