Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
