my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
