Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
