I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
