i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
