tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Two words: blizzard sex
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize