I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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