i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
