k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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