you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize