he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
