Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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