He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
