So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
