He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
