Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
