After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
