Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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