I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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