I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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