i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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