my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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