I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and i looked up. we had an audience...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
