i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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