Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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