Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
