Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My cat gives me a boner
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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