I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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