Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
tell me about the eggs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
