in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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