John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
two words: eviction party
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
