go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
