That's when you crack a 10am beer
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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