3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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