Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
