Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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