the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
