Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
