Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
