In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
