why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
