I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
