I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
