Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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