I wish I could teleport
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
