are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
