Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
