I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize