He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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