In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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