Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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