____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
