Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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