mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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