You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
