did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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