i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
