Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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