Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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