U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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