Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
