maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
