dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
