I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
