Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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