Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
