My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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