There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
