I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
