ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
