If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
