ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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