I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
